MEMORIES ALIGHT

12-06-2021

Every morning as I made my bed, I started a new chapter in my book of life by telling myself, for example, “Today is the chapter where Louise starts school; or ate with the hobos by the river, or turned black and blue all over.” Each life experience began a new chapter. Today is my thousandth, or more, chapter. Today is the chapter where Louise writes her book for others to read. Not that others have not been reading me for nearly 73 years by simply watching and reporting upon my shenanigans. Today, they go to print.

Life for me was a book being written chapter by chapter. Sometimes under my control; most often, not. That was the exciting part; the part that kept me truly alive. Each episode was laid out thoughtfully, straightened and smoothed as I straightened and smoothed the sheets on my bed. There was always a need to recognize and tend to the rough edges and lumps. They required hands willing to pull tout the seams exposed by the tossing and  tumbling of a child’s restless dreams created in my sleep. I once asked my Mother, “ Mommy, when I get up in the morning is this my real life? Or, is my real life what I dream after I go to bed? They are both the same, both as real. How can I tell why is real?” My mother’s answer, after shrugging off the slight frown of surprised concern on her face, was clear and concise. She said, “ I don’t know where you go in your dreams. But your real world is here with me. This life with me is your real life. And that is where you shall stay.” The sheets, this life, continue to need straightening and smoothing.

My earliest memory of this life is the slatted play of light and shadow across my body as I lay on my back in my crib. The shadows moved with the sun, sometimes dancing in strange patterns if the wind blew. I could feel the light and dark dancing in the breeze across my skin. I was too young to understand how any of this occurred. The memory simply tells me what and where. I recall small hands tossing something aside to grasp the light in a tiny fist, I hear the sound of gurgling laughter as I cheerfully played this game of “catch the light.” Whose fist is that? Mine? Curious, I asked my mother where my crib had been placed? My younger brother had just been born and his crib was in  my parent’s bedroom. But, I recalled this light play in a corner of another room. I showed Mommy where the memory indicated and she said, “This is where your crib had been placed, but surely you cannot remember such a thing. You were too young. I told her I always heard a loud thud as I reached for the light. “You always threw your bottle out of the crib. I had the hardest time getting you to take a bottle in the crib.” She believed me then.

Memory is a fascinating teacher. Pieces of memory do not hold equal value. Many pieces are lost in the shuffle as we arrange the puzzle pieces that create a life.Those memories we recall may seem senseless. But, it is those tiny, seemingly senseless, memories which hold the greatest value when examined closely, their rough edges smoothed and straightened. 

In these dark days of December, we remember that life is the interplay of darkness and light, the void and creation, destruction and rebirth. Every solstice changes the rhythm. This memory mattered to me enough to remember it and its recognize its value. The sense of beauty and awe in the dance of light and shadow across my body opened my senses to the wondrous impermanence of their interplay; and the expectation of their further encounters. This awe at such beauty stayed with me. Even on the darkest nights of my soul as I cared for dying parents, faced the struggles of chronic illness which stripped away so much of the life I had I built. Even then, there was beauty in the dance between light and dark, hope and fear, known and unknown. How could anyone forget such memory?

I am glad I chose to grasp the light in my tiny fists. Glad I chose open hands, and tossed that bottle out of the crib. I chose food for the soul. And in these dark days I choose both darkness and light, the good and the bad. Each. Both. Together they create a beauty beyond understanding. Together they fill me with hope, and the courage to face the unknown. And together, with open hands, we can gather the light into a beacon to lead us out of the darkness we now face.

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AMERICAN HANGOVER

The morning-after is always a let-down, a moment of weary headache-ridden resignation that the panic held at bay can no longer be denied. This is my country in this moment. We had a grand time for too long, sipping the heady drink of equal rights for people of color who long had been in  bondage; and for women who remained subject to men, and for non-heterosexuals who hid from everyone’s wrath. We celebrated the promise of the power and strength which comes through embracing diversity and equality; long promised, and too long denied. We danced to the tune of American exceptionalism. Our belief in ourselves coursed through our veins. We danced and we drank, then drank some more. Heedless of the obligation to take our achievements seriously, we failed to protect the values we had accumulated over so many years of struggle; and, after such hurtful sacrifices, often too painful to discuss openly. Blind drunk, we waited too long to sober up.

If we had not been drunk, would we have noticed the smirks and innuendos, the open plotting and strategies of those at the Tea Party in our midst? How could we have missed the sheer exuberance of their hate for us? Did our ascension in the world of science and technology numb us to the animal nature seeking power and control, and the fear engendered by an expanding universe of ideas? Did our celebration lead us on a merry chase through such vast fields of entertainment that we stopped to play too long for our own good?

Why did no one tell us to go home and get some rest; and, that tomorrow would be a long day? Or, perhaps they did; but we were too intent on our pleasure to acknowledge the alarm clock would soon go off. And perhaps, the alarm clock did go off, but we simply stopped it and went back to sleep. Why was this not news? Are some truths too difficult to comprehend, or simply too challenging to report? Or, maybe, those reporting stayed too long at the celebration, drank too much, and danced too long beside us.

America, it is time to sober up.

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MOM AND DAD’S KITCHENS

Louise Annarino

November 20,2021

My mother’s kitchen was a restaurant.No visitor to our home left unfed. My father and his brothers actually opened a restaurant when they returned from military service following WWII. All my life I dreamed of opening a restaurant. I dreamed so last night. Really, what I dream of, is being back in my parents’ kitchens.

In Mom’s kitchen all was fragrant, warm and comforting. That tiny ten by ten foot space held a universe of possibilities. Packed  in were a double-oven stove, refrigerator,  sink, washer and dryer, and a round table with six chairs. The only way to reach the pantry was to climb above the washer and dryer. Working side by side in this cheerfully yellow painted space required a dance of consideration and subtlety, agility, and a sense of humor. It was not the single window above the sink which lit up this room; but, the love of creating sustenance for all who entered.

The kitchen was also our ballroom. Mom and I sang duets while listening to top hits on the radio, or sang Neapolitan love songs at the top of our lungs. In this space Mom taught me to dance the Mambo Italiano, Cha Cha, Charleston, Lindy Hop, Jitterbug, Polka, Fox Trot, Waltz and swing a dishtowel through the Tarantella. This meant pushing the table against the wall, moving out chairs, and putting aside our work for a few moments of sheer joy. Even so, bumping into things was inevitable and added to the laughter. The aroma of food nearing the end of cooking/baking time often saved the day.

The kitchen was also our parlor, where every guest was ushered past the living and dining rooms, and seated at the kitchen table. Immediately the coffee began to perk and whatever was in the oven or on the stove was soon shared. “No one leaves until they eat” was Mom’s sacred rule. New visitors soon learned that Mom meant what she said, and left sated.

In our home children could be “seen but not heard,”when adult guests were present. I learned of the larger world through conversations overheard at my Mother’s table. Freed to simply listen, and not add my “two cents”, taught me the invaluable lesson that truly listening to others is a great gift to the speaker and to the listener.  Listening is gold. Sharing food and drink is platinum. 

I also explored the larger war listening in on Dad’s kitchen table conversations. My father and his war buddies freely discussed their experiences as soldiers and sailors, the politics of war, the necessity of peace, the uselessness and danger of weapons in the home. I watched silently as they passed around Samurai swords, German Lugers and beer steins, and other artifacts bearing stories which would have remained hidden if my presence had been noted by my chatter. I learned to stay silent, openminded, and sensitive to the nuances of honest communication. After, Dad would talk with me to help me interpret what I had heard. As long as I stayed silent, I was never ushered out of the room. I learned that rules to control my behavior were not meant to deny my personal freedoms, inhibit my creative expression, nor demand too much of a child. Those rules were in place out of respect to the adults, and to me; to teach me to think as an adult, and to learn how to respect others. 

When the women gathered, they too respected me enough to expect my respectful silence. Nothing was off the table when they spoke English. However, they sometimes used Italian if they wanted to keep some juicy tidbit from me. That did not actually work as they had planned because I soon picked up enough Italian to understand most of what they discussed. Of course, since I had to keep silent, I never gave away my ability to understand spoken Italian. This came in handy in public spaces when Mom and my aunts and cousins would comment on people around us without anyone knowing what they were saying. It was a useful tool on many occasions. it taught me the need for discretion when in public, in a way no lecture would have taught such a lesson.

Every Saturday night, the cousins who lived in our neighborhood spent the night at our house. in the afternoon, Mom simmered suga and meatballs in a massive restaurant pot, while kneading dough for pizza, bread and pizzafritta. The aromatic blend of oregano, garlic and basil in tomato sauce permeated the neighborhood. The aroma brought Niki, our dog to the foot of the stove, awaiting his meatballs. He had permanently stained orange whiskers and a love-hate relationship with Mom. Mom would make hundreds of ravioli at a time, freezing them for later use. She needed every surface in the house to dry the fresh pasta filled with cheese, spinach or meat; including the kitchen and dining room tables, washer and dryer, and even her bed…each surface covered with layers of clean, white sheets dusted with flour. Once, after distributing the ravioli throughout the house to dry, she forgot to close the bedroom door before leaving the house on an errand. Niki took advantage of the opportunity to reach the ravioli. He usually greeted us as soon as the door opened upon our return. That day, he was nowhere to be found as we searched the  house. Mom noticed a double row of missing ravioli on the three sides of the bed he could reach. A moan from beneath the bed, then Mom’s curses, told the tale. Niki hid under that bed for two days, afraid to come out and face Mom’s wrath. She still continued to give him his meatballs every Saturday. She never could hold a grudge. A trait which served her four rambunctious children well.

The mouth-watering aroma also attracted our cousins and friends to our kitchen. That aroma speaks “home” to me to this day. In my many moves to new living quarters, the first thing I cook is suga and meatballs. The wafting aroma from  my new kitchen tells me, “You are finally home.” We kids would hang about, playing cards at the kitchen table, until Mom sliced the fresh bread which we dipped in sauce as we ate our meatballs. 

Some of the dough would be used Sunday morning for pizzafritta, fry-bread Italian style. The dough would be stretched into small rounds, dropped in hot oil, then pricked with a fork. Just when golden brown, Mom removed the fried dough from the pan and dropped it into a brown bag containing sugar; and shook it until the pizzafritta was covered in warm sweetness. She always did a separate bag with both cinnamon and sugar for me. 

Later in the evening Mom stretched out dough for pizzas. After a prolonged argument with our friends and cousins, we  would  add the toppings we decided upon before Mom popped them into the hot oven. Laughing, teasing, and arguing, just for the fun of it, kept us busy until the satisfied moans of eating those pizzas made music around the table. Later, we put on our pajamas and settled into the living room to watch TV until Nightmare Theatre came on. By then, we were hungry again.But, Mom’s restaurant was closed for the night. That is when we called Dad at his restaurant.

One of us played waitress and took down each kid’s order: cheeseburger (BodyBuilders at Dad’s restaurant), french fries (fresh cut), onion rings, fried mushrooms, chocolate milk shakes, Coca-Colas. Since Dad was working hard on a Saturday night he would send our food to us in a cab, exchanging the delivery cost for the cost of the order he was serving to the cab driver sitting at the bar. To say we were spoiled is to put it mildly. No restaurant could ever match the food served by my Dad, or by my Mom. 

Every Sunday and holiday, our kitchen became a party house. We always had guests for the noon meal, most of whom remained for left-overs later in the day. It was usually an all-day event. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends of my parents gathered around the extended dining room table; kids around the kitchen table. Kids were allowed to talk  in the kitchen! So, it was the best seating in the house.The kitchen was our freedom space. We could laugh and joke around. My oldest brother Angelo thought it great fun to make someone laugh so hard he spewed his…or her… drink out his nose. 

While Mom hosted the adults in the dining room, my job was to cut up food for the babies and toddlers at the kitchen table, and serve the other kids at the kitchen table. I was also the runner meeting requests from the dining room. Mom  taught me the joy of serving others in a joint enterprise, and the strength developed by belonging to a team. 

Even the clean-up taught team-work. The men scrubbed the heavy pots and pans. The kids removed small items to the proper place, the women washed, dried and put away the delicate plates and cutlery. As we all worked together the adults talked, and not about the weather. When the conversation really delved deep, the work stopped until that conversational thread had been fully explored. Clean-up took hours. And, then, we made more work for ourselves by serving coffee and dessert. The other kids who had disappeared suddenly resurfaced. The talking continued. Kids disappeared. The clean-up began anew. 

I never opened my dream restaurant-bakery-tea room. I guess I never really expected to do so. Some dreams are meant for other purposes. I had seen how much devotion and sacrifice a restaurant requires. “Annarino Bros.Center Cafe’s” tilting sign hung over the alley-wide restaurant just off the square in Newark,Ohio. Returning to their hometown following their service in WWII, the four Annarino brothers could not find work, like many Italian-Americans and African-Americans, despite their service to their country. They positioned trestles across an alley between two downtown buildings, strung rope from which to hang items across the alleyway, and began cooking using outdoor grills. 

As soon as they had enough money they added a roof and floor. Eventually, they completed the interior and had a restaurant an entire block long and alley-width wide. In the rear was the dishwashing and food prep area, a butcher shop, a walk-in refrigerator, a walk-in freezer. A partial loft over-head became the storage area. in the front was a very long narrow room with a bar its full length to the right, and booths on the left. In the from corner was a wine shop. The red vinyl covered barstools made great spinning games possible for kids who delighted in swiveling nervous energy while waiting for their Dad. In between were two dining rooms, separated by a folding accordion wall which could be pulled aside for larger gatherings.

We always knew how to find Dad. He was always available at the Center Cafe. He may not have made every dance recital or ball game but he was always there for us. We were sometimes relegated to sit quietly in an empty booth until he had a break in serving the needs of customers. We watched the world go by from that booth. Politicians, judges, lawyers and CEOs hung out there. They usually sat in booths. Working men on their way home from the factories usually sat at the bar. The interplay between these groups was fascinating to watch. I learned how power-plays work by observing these men. 

As dinner hour approached the customer base shifted to families with children. Every child was warned by my dad or an uncle to eat all their dinner if they wanted some bubble gum, freely handed out as the family headed out the door after dinner. The dining rooms were a place of fascination. One table might be politicians discussing legislative strategy, another table a family discussing in-law strategy. The dining room at the restaurant was no different than the one in my house. Life was discussed, problems unearthed, strategies discussed and solutions found. At my parents’ tables there was always a solution. The world’s inhabitants were one big family. My parents made them each diner a member of our family.

We saw my Dad, my uncles, my grandfather and my cousins every day. The restaurant door was open to us, and it was a short walk uptown. Any request of my Mom for a special treat or rights to undertake an unusual endeavor resulted in the reply, “Go ask your father first and let me know what he says.” This is often the penultimate delay tactic in most families. But, we lived only a few blocks from the downtown and this was easily done. We simply walked to the restaurant, sometimes several times before we had convinced each parent of our wisdom. 

As Dad considered our requests, we were put to work running errands to get more chops from the refrigerator, clear a table, push the dish cart to the dish washer, load and wash dishes, peel potatoes, climb to the storage area and get more pasta, slice pies coming out of the oven in the back. 

The grill work was done up front, behind the bar. Pots of suga, soups or stew simmered on the range behind the bar. Steaks  sizzled on the broiler behind the bar. Mushrooms and potatoes crisped in fryers behind the bar. The ovens were in the back. This block-long restaurant wore out our dad’s uncles’ legs. 

Kids became the runners whenever we showed up. We might be sent to the store to fetch products which had run low with unexpectedly high demand. We would accompany Dad to the bank with a deposit. We would talk with the fathers of our school chums, facing an inquisition regarding their son’s or daughter’s behavior at school. This taught us loyalty. In the meantime Dad would come up with a solution he and Mom could live with. By then, we were too tired out to argue much. I think I know now why Dad always had a grin on his face when we showed up. 

When we had a serious concern, we simply waited in the “family” booth until Dad had time to hear what was on our mind and offer his wise counsel and firm support. And our uncles, and sometimes waitresses passing by the booth, offered suggestions. Then Dad would make a joke to ease our worries and we would both grin.

Sitting at the bar was an education. The entire town seemed to sit at that bar. Customers spoke with us about their factory job, their wives and children, the latest political upheaval, the new construction in town, the new teacher, doctor, insurance agent, priest, minister, rabbi in town. I guess they thought a kid sitting at a bar could take it. Of course those sitting at the bar had had a drink to loosen their tongues. Bar-tenders…and their kids…hear everything. 

Sitting behind the bar on Great-uncle George’s stool was even more lucrative. I sold thousands of candy bars for school fund-raising efforts from that stool. Dad counseled me to count the drinks each man drank; and to not try to sell my candy bar or raffle ticket until the customer was on his second drink. Later, as they settled their bill I would always suggest they take a candy bar home for their kids. It worked like a charm. And I have the St. Joseph statue awarded for top sales to prove it.

We learned to be entrepreneurs from Mom and Dad’s kitchens. Home from school one day I was sitting at the table as Mom looked through recipes  deciding what we would cook that day. I saw a recipe for rum fondant. Soon I had created fruit shaped candy, painted with food coloring and placed in one of mom’s milk-glass candy dishes atop left-over Easter grass. 

Dad saw my production when he came home from the restaurant after midnight, and took it tback work before I had arisen the next morning. 

When I came  home from school that day, Mom showed me the 32 orders Dad had taken for a bowl of rum fondant fruit at $3.50 per bowl. Every day for months I rolled and painted fruit for candy bowls. By summer I had collected over $2,000 which I used to take our entire family to the World’s Fair in NYC for a week. It was dream come true. The entire world, not just Newark Ohio, came through our door thanks to Mom and Dad’s kitchens. An open door works both ways. I miss those kitchens.

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Mid-Term Haiku

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Nightmares roam freely

while voters watch fearfully

death of a nation.

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ONLY AUTUMN KNOWS

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Only Autumn Knows where and when

she will end.

Each morning seems earlier than the last.

Sun sets earlier than summer-days past.

Dawn delays rising while I do not.

Sleep steals in easier despite afternoon naps.

Time ceases to be set by my clock.

Circadian rhythms have been unlocked.

I fall into Autumn’s wind-swept arms,

happily blown in, after the Equinox.

I rise in the dark to write poetry and prose.

What is revealed only Autumn knows.

Yawns precede each word and phrase,

happy to explore Autumn’s up-ending by-ways.

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SING A SONG OF FREEDOM

https://www.pbs.org/video/sing-democracy-250-rob7ge

Freedom is our right.

Voting shows our might.

Sing a song of freedom.

Sing it strong.

Sing it long.

Voters sing along with me.

Lift the voice of liberty.

The few who would silence us

will rock and roll before they fall

in silent loss and agony.

Despots and bullies cannot withstand

the voices of power and the sound

of voting levers in musical chorus

ringing across the future before us.

Freedom lovers hold your ground

against kings and tyrants, 

who despite their might,

cannot dance to freedom’s sound.

Vote with music and dance at the polls.

Let freedom ring as despots fall

before the song of freedom loud and clear.

Freedom lovers hold America dear,

and lift her in song written in blood and tears

for these past 250 years.

Sing a song of freedom.

Sing it strong!

Sing it long!

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AMERICAN RENAISSANCE

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The dark ages were not dark everywhere.

Light shown to the East, the South, and the West

while Europe cloaked itself in dark days;

as The United States of America does now.

Even camera crews have turned off light and sound.

And evil men and women try to rebound

by creating their own clown-faced muse

with his crypto, coins, twitter, and TV news.

These wanna-be strong-men turn away from the Light of Truth

forsake the Bill of Rights’ light once so very bright

with promise by all, for all, and to do all things right.

We watch all systems fail across airports,

roads, water plants, farm fields, schools and hospitals

and death becomes unleashed by ICE men

playing false as con-men overrule the Rule of Law.

Their appointed judges enact The Rule of Flaw

This may be America’s final straw;

judges sitting in dark court rooms

unable to see what facts there be

so precedence can be overruled

and lights kept turned off, but not for all.

January 6 criminals, rapists, pedophiles, and fraudsters are free

to roam in darkness so deep we cannot see

that none of us is allowed to remain free.

None of us are safe from deportation

to an unknown country, or to our own private hell

here in our own homes, on our own streets,

within our universities and our own communities.

The lights seem to be growing dim

as Dark Ages descend again.

Artists can paint, sculpt and write in the dark.

They see more clearly what is, and imagine what can be.

Their imagery is lightened within dreams and memory.

A new Renaissance can overcome such darkness.

It did so once. It can, again.

There should be no return to the old days, but a rebirth

of those ideals sought enacted by people of Earth,

when our constitution, its amendments and Judicial Act

were put in placed to support a Bill of Rights

to overcome dark night and shine a brilliant Light

across an entire world. Peasant freedom unfurled. 

The work of artists is to bring forth light and right;

a Renaissance of love and peace, respect for all;

and, the courage to make things right.

Art and artists’ dreams dispel, like a liars’ tell,

 shining light in the depths of these dark nights.

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AUTUMN NIGHTS

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Nights are too short, dear

when you are here.

Nights are too long

when you are gone.

Morning weeps humidity.

Birds sing sad songs.

Bees wander aimlessly.

The sun hides a weary face.

Voices sound too loud.

Emptiness becomes full measure

of the hearts lost treasure.

Garden critters stay hidden.

Fruit on the vines wither,

bitten open, useless, forbidden.

Your leave-taking reminds.

The world can be coldly unkind.

You rose with the dawn.

Showered, and now, are gone.

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BLIND EYES

FLOCK SAFETY camera and sign reading WARNING: AREA UNDER CONSTANT VIDEO SURVEILLANCE & LICENSE PLATE RECORDING. FLOCK SAFETY SYSTEM IN OPERATION.
A solar-powered Flock Safety camera overlooks a city sidewalk beneath a prominent surveillance warning sign.

So enamored of myself am I

that I do not see you

though I look you in the eye,

all sincerity belied.

When I face you so confidently

the only one I see is me,

reflected back clear as can be.

Every charge I make against you

is really my confession.

I speak with such aggression

to hide all fase impressions

lest you take the time to think.

I use the fear I sense you feel, 

reflected back at me,

in a never-ending loop;

which only makes me more afraid

to ever acknowledge you.

I must seize your power for my own.

It is the only way I can survive.

I can only live my life 

if I steal yours

Your life or mine?

There is but one answer.

It is why you take my side.

It is why fear makes you hide

any conscience you once knew.

I will always be watching you.

I love watching myself.

All narcissists are blind; you see.

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TAGLINES

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My dreams have taglines; colored lights forming words,

scrolling across the bottom or the top 

to awaken a sleeping brain.

Sometimes, bold sentences 

within thick-lined boxes to draw attention.

My tired body sometimes fails to notice or understand  

the insights my vivid dreams demand.

As I dreamt last night and viewed my last scenes 

a box appeared with a message to be gleaned:

TO GO FORWARD IT IS OFTEN BEST TO LOOK TO THE PAST 

WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN BEFORE. 

And, then, I awoke to my here and unformed now 

wondering what part of past 

informs a future built to last.

Dreams leave clues like any good mystery.

Dreams fragment history.

Dream introduce me to strangers 

who tell their stories, and not my own.

I wake confused yet excited to explore 

the fading dream some more.

I turn on lights to brighten the dark morning, 

awaiting a breathless sunrise 

to seep beneath shades hiding the night, 

which might bring surprises to my door.

It is difficult to see a future

when these days are so dark.

Dreams tell me to see clearly

my future relies upon seeing my past.

I search each dark corner

with a flashlight in my hand.

If I can see what brought me here,

where I now wonderingly stand,

I can see a future brighter than indignation,

more solid than fearful imagination.

A future where strangers’ stories become my own,

and I can grow from seeds I have sown

in the dark soil, now,

so well known.

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MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

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Money counts for nothing.

It has no intrinsic worth,

these tiny bits of metal

dug, then foundered from the earth.

Money adds no value to our lives.

Its value lies outside its cost to self.

Its only value is what it tells us.

Money talks after all.

It tells us what we truly value,

whom we raise up, and whom we let fall.

We bet our future on its use,

or bury it in secure vaults.

We use it to boast about greatness

while it hides our basest faults.

It buys the things around us.

It buys the myth of our safety.

It serves to remind us

we are nothing at all;

but, tiny specks in a universe

among many millions just like us,

trying to rise while gravity pulls us

around and down giant black holes. 

Money fools us, a tool that uses us,

while we think we rule over others

just like us.

So, we gather it as best we can

to show we are better than 

our fellow woman or man.

We cannot rely upon our own souls

to bring wisdom, love and life,

to end the useless strife.

We buy bullets instead of bread.

We drop bombs instead of supplies.

We destroy earth instead of fear.

We believe our own and others’ lies.

Money becomes our grand prize.

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WHISPERS

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Comfort is undersold.

Passion, unlike us,

never gets old.

When age exceeds 

the body’s needs

comfort remains 

as we enfold

hearts and souls

amidst limbs entwined

whispering I am yours,

and you are mine.

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BULLIES

Angelo Sr. and daughter Louise Annarino

I grew up in an immigrant community in a very poor area of town. Inevitably, the inhabitants who claimed this impoverished neighborhood as their own resented the Italian-Catholics so unlike them. Bullies played a large role in my childhood. They roamed the alleys and streets looking for victims. I refused to become one.

My Great-Uncle George Annarino was a champion Bantam-weight prize fighter. His cauliflower ear was a marvel to me, especially when he explained how he got it as we sat together on bar stools at my family’s restaurant. He had retired from boxing and opened a gym, complete with a boxing ring in his garage, by the time I was born. He had taught my teen-aged father to fight. Dad won his first 22 fights. He lost his 23rd. fight and retired; only to learn that his opponent went on to win a national championship. He chuckled aloud stating to me, “I think I retired too soon.”

Dad hung a boxing bag in our garage, and gave us child-sized regulation boxing gloves. He taught his children how to throw a punch. He provided weights and at the age of ten I could lift 150 pounds above my head. I sparred with my Dad and brothers. Dad thought girls should also know how to protect themselves and showed me how a well-placed jab to the nose or eye, a well-placed kick where it would hurt most could disarm an attacker. We were taught to never start a fight, to walk away if possible. And, we were taught to never take a punch without punching back.

I was a lucky girl of that time in our history, a girl whose Dad knew her worth was equal to that of his sons’ worth. This was definitely not the norm in 1950’s America. Dad included me when he taught us to play baseball, football and basketball. My brothers played sports with me. Neighborhood boys allowed me to joint the games knowing I could play as their equal. Childhood ended with menstruation when playing with the boys became forbidden by my mother. Another battle ahead as a woman in a sexist society. But, I retained the athletic ability I had honed. I retained my fighting skills. More importantly, I retained my knowledge of my inherent self-worth. I knew how to stand up to bullies.

I still shadow-box, although not on a regular schedule. I still fight, although not with my fists. I know the value of a well-aimed punch and used it when cross-examining witnesses in court as an attorney. I learned to use the law to fight. I learned to use politics to fight. I organized voting efforts, went door-to-door on behalf of political candidates I admired, using the skills I learned about fighting an oppressive bully to good effect. I worked as a poll worker.

I still try not to start a fight. I have too often been told I am responsible for a fight, simply because I refuse to back down from a bullying conversation. I shall not start the fight. But, I will finish it. I prefer gloves in a ring; but in alleys and across dining tables are sometimes the only choice I’m given, with all gloves off. It may not look pretty. It feels good.

I want our politicians, educators, religious leaders, CEOs, labor unions, and fellow citizens to fight with me. I want them to stand up to the bullies. Not all of us had Dads like mine. Not all of us were trained to defend ourselves against bullies. I understand that. But, too often through my life I had to stand alone in the fight; only later in private to have others who stood back secretly thank me. I would have preferred them to stand alongside me in the fight. So, even if you cannot fight, for whatever reason, will you please stand alongside those who are willing to take on the fight? Is that too much to ask? I hope not. We need every single one of you to stand in solidarity with those of us fighting power-hungry, disgruntled bullies who claim they’re making America great again as they destroy it and us… “We the people.”

Cousin Georgie, Grandpa John and Great Uncle George Annarino

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